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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

losing that terror that used to motivate you




(i've posted this elsewhere, but i've been thinking about the past a lot lately so i figured i'd stick it here too.. it's not particularly in depth or considered, but i wrote it very quickly so maybe it has some kind of spontaneous quality or something.. eden would know ... )

"when i was about 11 or so, when the apocalypse really was a possibility and the russians moved into afghanistan and the government had admitted that sitting under a kitchen table for a fortnight wouldn't save you from the Bomb, every time there was a thunder storm i'd be sure this was the end of the world and i'd be so scared. i lived on my nerves, i was just sure we were going to die horribly.

so when i was about 12 i joined CND. it wasn't a political act, it was born of fear. then i learned about the bomb, and it become political. then in fairly quick succession, there was the Falklands War and the Miners Strike and the horror of Thatcherism and a lot of Crass albums

that kind of sealed it for me, i'd say. one of the reasons i was expelled from school was for taking them on for too many things, and i actually went a bit mental out of anger and frustration. by 15 i was pulling fences down at molesworth and getting baton charged in Grosvenor Square.

sad thing is, it all seemed a lot clearer then. is that cos i was younger and more simplistic, or is it because it really WAS simpler then?



posted by dubversion at 12:05 am

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